Next time you visit Vegas lads........... - Mercedes-Benz Forum

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post #1 of 3 (permalink) Old 10-02-2005, 04:51 AM Thread Starter
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Next time you visit Vegas lads...........

.........remember this cautionary tale:

A guy is walking along the strip in Las Vegas and a knockout looking hooker catches his eye. He strikes up a conversation and eventually asks the hooker, "How much do you charge?"
Hooker replies, "It starts at $500 for a hand-job.
Guy says, "$500 dollars! For a hand-job! Jesus Christ! No hand-job is worth that kind of money!"
The hooker says, "Do you see that Denny's on the corner?"
"Do you see the Denny's about a block further down?"
"And beyond that, do you see that third Denny's?"
"Well," says the hooker, smiling invitingly, "I own those. And, I own them because I give a hand-job that's worth $500."
Guy says, "What the hell? You only live once. I'll give it a try." They retire to a nearby motel.
A short time later, the guy is sitting on the bed realizing that he just experienced the hand-job of a lifetime, worth every bit of $500. He is so amazed, he says, "I suppose a blow-job is $1,000?"
The hooker replies, "$1,500."
I wouldn't pay that for a blow-job!"
The hooker replies, "Step over here to the window, big boy. Do you see that casino just across the street? I own that casino outright. And I own it because I give a blow-job that's worth every cent of $1,500."
The guy, basking in the afterglow of that terrific hand-job, decides to put off the new car for another year or so, and says, "Sign me up."
Ten minutes later, he is sitting on the bed more amazed than before. He can scarcely believe it but he feels he truly got his money's worth. He decides to dip into the retirement savings for one glorious and unforgettable experience. He asks the hooker, "How much for some pussy?"
The hooker says, "Come over here to the window, I want to show you something. Do you see how the whole city of Las Vegas is laid out before us, all those beautiful lights, gambling palaces, and showplaces?"
"Damn!" the guy says, in awe, "You own the whole city?"
"No," the hooker replies, "but I would if I had a pussy."

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post #2 of 3 (permalink) Old 10-02-2005, 06:22 AM
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RE: Next time you visit Vegas lads...........

Guy goes to Vegas and loses big time. So he hails a cab in front of the casino and tells the guy, "I lost all my money, but if you give me a ride to the airport, I'll have my wife wire some to me and pay you then". The cab driver being a real prick says, "Get the fuck out of my cab you stinking piece of shit", and throws him out.
The following year he returns to Vegas and wins big. As he's leaving the casino he see a bunch of cabbies all in a group, obviously buddies joking and having a good time. He spots last years prick and hatches a plan of vengance.
As they all return to their cabs to pick up fares, the prick is the last car in the line.
So the guy jumps in the first cab. Driver says, "where to buddy? and he tells the driver,"I don't have any money but if you give me a ride I'll let you blow me and then I'll bone you up the ass". The cabbie says, "get the hell outta here, weirdo" and throws him out. He proceeds down the line with the same offer to all the cabbies each time getting thrown out till he get's to the last cab. Jumps in and the prick not recognizing him says, "Where to buddy? and the guy say's, "To the airport please".
And as the cab drives by the long line of his buddies who are staring in amazement, the guy flashes a smile and the OK sign.


Guy walks into a pet shop(ummmm in Vegas we'll say in keeping with the theme)and a parrot in the corner says, "HEY BUDDY.......HEY,HEY BUDDY!!". the guy walks over and says,"What?" and the parrot looks him in the eye and says, "FUCK YOU YOU FILTHY COCKSUCKER".
The guy obviously offended runs out of the shop.
The owner seeing this runs over to the parrot and grabs him by the neck and screams, "IF YOU EVER TALK TO MY CUSTOMERS LIKE THAT AGAIN, I'LL RIP OFF YOUR FEATHERS AND NAIL YOU TO THE PERCH!!!".
The next day the same guy returns and the parrot says,"HEY, HEY BUDDY!!. The guy whose now very irate says, "WHAT!!!!", and the parrot looks him in the eye and says,"You know what".

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post #3 of 3 (permalink) Old 10-02-2005, 08:41 PM
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RE: Next time you visit Vegas lads...........

A man came home from work one day to find his wife sitting on the front porch with her bags packed. He asked her where she was going and she replied "I'm going to Las Vegas."
He asked her why she was going and she told him "I just found out that I can make $400.00 a night doing what I give you for free".
He pondered that then went into the house and packed his bags and returned to the porch with his wife.
She said "And just where do you think you're going?"
"I'm going too!!" he replied.
"Why?" She asked.
"I want to see how you are going to live on $800 a year"!
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