Date registered: Sep 2004
Vehicle: 83 Astral Silver 280 SL
Location: Planet Houston
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Quoted: 7 Post(s)
RE: God? and stuff....
Good News! The birth of Our Savior approaches!
I am so glad the word has gotten out, and just in time, too. I am in my second trimester, and I was worried that when I gave birth to our Noodly Savior I would be shunned to the edges of society for giving birth to a fully-grown midgit in pirate regalia.
Yes, I have conceived the spirit of our Divine Lord, and immaculately, I might add. He came upon me while I was eating alone at The Olive Garden one evening this past winter--I was having a delicious meatball lasagna, I remember--and suddenly my eyes were filled with light, and the restaurant around me fell away, and there was nothing but His noodly appendage encircling me, caressing me. I cried out in ecstasy, and then I heard His voice in my ear, whispering to me, "In nine months time you shall give birth to a fully-grown midgit in pirate regalia, and He shall save the world from sin and hate and false notions about evolution and Creation."
I heard singing, and tomato sauce rained from the sky, and I saw angel hair pasta flying about with little farfalle wings and playing harps. It was beautiful. "You shall name Him....Prego...." said the Flying Spaghetti Monster, "and He shall bring in a new era of love and a worldwide following of Pastafarians willing to shed marinara sauce for what they believe."
And His noodly appendage left my trembling, sated body, and the singing faded, and I was once again in The Olive Garden, awaiting the birth of our Savior, Prego, who will deliver us from evil. I paid the check and went home and prayed all night to the Flying Spaghetti Monster. So fear not, Bobby! If Kansas refuses to include our religion in their science curriculum--imagine, survival of the fittest, ha! it is survival of the noodliest, any devout Pastafarian knows that--Prego shall smite those heathens and burn Kansas for all eternity. Ramen!
Recall that earlier generations faced down fascism and communism not just with missiles and tanks, but with sturdy alliances and enduring convictions. They understood that our power alone cannot protect us, nor does it entitle us to do as we please. Instead, they knew that our power grows through its prudent use; our security emanates from the justness of our cause, the force of our example, the tempering qualities of humility and restraint.
-President Barack Obama, 1st Inaugural address