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post #1 of 5 (permalink) Old 09-13-2005, 10:51 AM Thread Starter
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Help send Bibles to N.O.

<font size = 3><b>
Help Us Send Bibles to the Victims of Hurricane Katrina!</b></font>

Faith-Based Response

Freehold, Iowa

Landover Baptist Church members have been glued to their television sets for the last few weeks, watching survivors of God's powerful hurricane (named Katrina by secular meteorologists) try to make sense of their ravaged lives. "When you live in an area of the world God despises, and He gets ready to blow it off the map, you'd best duck low or high tail it out of town," says Pastor Deacon Fred. "The Bible teaches us that when it comes to wiping out sinners, God has a history of having some pretty bad aim. This time I understand He knocked down a few church steeples and even took some good Christian folks back home with Him to Jesus."

What saddens members of the Landover Baptist community the most however, is that the unsaved world is hell-bent on doling out artificial optimism to the victims of God's latest attack. "They are providing food, money, gasoline, and shelter," says Pastor Deacon Fred. "These are temporary gifts that give these poor lost people a false hope! The only real hope comes from the Word of God! The Holy Bible! These folks need to get fed and sheltered on the Word of God. We daresn't open our doors to the homeless, because we know it never gets at the real source of their problem, and we always end up with dirty floors."

"How are the lost of Katrina going to understand why God did this to them if they don't have a Bible to read?" says Pastor Deacon Fred. "How are they ever going to be able to prevent it from happening to them again, if they are not able to study the Word of God? Through the Bible, history teaches us that God has serious issues with large cities that condone prostitution, abortion, homosexuality, mixing of the races, sexual promiscuity, drunkenness, idol worship, practicing false religions (voodoo), and loud pulsing music. Some of them folks in New Orleans, were luckier than Lot's wife though - they stayed behind even though they received the message to get out, and God spared their lives."

It is understandable that the survivors of God's hurricane are confused, starving, homeless, and distraught - but as True Christiansâ„¢ we know without a doubt in our hearts, that giving them food and shelter is not going to solve the biggest and only real problem in their lives. In fact, it will turn them into beggars and make their misery even worse. The issue that caused their condition is not an earthly condition at all. We know that it is an eternal condition, and there is only one sweet balm to soothe a lost soul who has no respect for the Gospel of Jesus Christ. And that is getting a Holy Bible KJV 1611 into their hands. "From what I've seen of these survivors, I doubt many of them know how to read, so we will be sending Bibles on tape for them as well," says Pastor Deacon Fred. "They can play the Bible tapes on the boom boxes it looks like they made it a priority to salvage or loot."

Landover Baptist's effort to assist in providing Bibles to victims of Hurricane Katrina is known as a, "faith-based response." It is our heartfelt hope that some worthwhile people might be saved from a destruction much more powerful than God's hurricanes - for they are but a precursor to what is really going to happen on that great and glorious day when He finally gets so ticked-off He just blows up the whole world.

So help us by sending a spiritual relief offering of no less than $100 (we do not accept checks, so please send cash, or money order) to:

BIBLES FOR HURRICANE VICTIMS
Landover Baptist Ministries
777 Soulwinner's Lane
Freehold, Iowa

If you are paying by credit card, please address your payment to:
Wexler Offshore Holdings - Care of Landover Baptist Ministries

What Will Be Done With My Faith Based Response Donation?

Each $100 gift will absorb the cost of printing and recording *Bibles, and packaging.

Care packages to New Orleans flood victims will include the following:

1 King James 1611 Bible or Bible on Tape
1 Chick Tract (Assorted)
1 Self Addressed Stamped Envelope
A small insert containing instructions on where to send a financial love offering of thanks to the Landover Baptist Church once the recipient of the care package gets back on their feet and receives their first paycheck.


*Disclaimer: If Landover Baptist receives reports that hurricane victims are using the pages of our Bibles are for hygienic purposes, such as toilet paper, we reserve the right to end this faith-based response effort immediately.

I feel so miserable without you; its almost like having you here.
-- Stephen Bishop
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post #2 of 5 (permalink) Old 09-13-2005, 12:46 PM
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RE: Help send Bibles to N.O.

I've been sending them old "Hustlers", in honor of the jack offs who run this country.

Recall that earlier generations faced down fascism and communism not just with missiles and tanks, but with sturdy alliances and enduring convictions. They understood that our power alone cannot protect us, nor does it entitle us to do as we please. Instead, they knew that our power grows through its prudent use; our security emanates from the justness of our cause, the force of our example, the tempering qualities of humility and restraint.

-President Barack Obama, 1st Inaugural address
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post #3 of 5 (permalink) Old 09-13-2005, 12:49 PM Thread Starter
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RE: Help send Bibles to N.O.

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kvining - 9/13/2005 1:46 PM

I've been sending them old "Hustlers", in honor of the jack offs who run this country.
Te absolvo.

If you are latin challenged, it means, "you drive a volvo"

I feel so miserable without you; its almost like having you here.
-- Stephen Bishop
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post #4 of 5 (permalink) Old 09-13-2005, 02:07 PM
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RE: Help send Bibles to N.O.

Someone told me that God wacked NO because of all the whores. I said that cannot be, because Washington is still standing.

Recall that earlier generations faced down fascism and communism not just with missiles and tanks, but with sturdy alliances and enduring convictions. They understood that our power alone cannot protect us, nor does it entitle us to do as we please. Instead, they knew that our power grows through its prudent use; our security emanates from the justness of our cause, the force of our example, the tempering qualities of humility and restraint.

-President Barack Obama, 1st Inaugural address
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post #5 of 5 (permalink) Old 09-13-2005, 02:20 PM Thread Starter
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RE: Help send Bibles to N.O.

Quote:
kvining - 9/13/2005 3:07 PM

Someone told me that God wacked NO because of all the whores. I said that cannot be, because Washington is still standing.
They told you wrong, it was because of all the homos.

Crap, both washington and San Francisco are still standing, that kills that theory too!

I feel so miserable without you; its almost like having you here.
-- Stephen Bishop
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