Official blasphemy thread - Page 2 - Mercedes-Benz Forum

Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
post #11 of 29 (permalink) Old 08-29-2005, 09:21 PM
Administratoris Emeritus
 
GeeS's Avatar
 
Date registered: Aug 2002
Vehicle: 2021 SL770
Location: Fountain Hills, AZ
Posts: 44,915
Mentioned: 2 Post(s)
Quoted: 591 Post(s)
RE: Official blasphemy thread

Well, since KV didn't respond, you have my express permission. Hasn't that cigarette gone out yet, Webbie?

"If spending money you don't have is the height of stupidity, borrowing money to give it away is the height of insanity." -- anon
GeeS is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #12 of 29 (permalink) Old 08-30-2005, 10:39 AM Thread Starter
BenzWorld Elite
 
FeelTheLove's Avatar
 
Date registered: Sep 2004
Vehicle: 83 Astral Silver 280 SL
Location: Planet Houston
Posts: 28,829
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Quoted: 8 Post(s)
(Thread Starter)
RE: Official blasphemy thread

Quote:
webwench - 8/25/2005 10:31 PM

Quote:
kvining - 8/25/2005 11:52 AM

I mentioned on another thread that I would believe in God if I prayed for twenty bucks and I got it. Guess what. I'm watching the tube last night, and someone knocks on the door. I'll be damned if it wasn't God himself. He hands me four fives and says "Now shut the fuck up!". The Pillar of Fire ruined my carpet, and I just got the estimate to fix it, and dude, it is way more than $20. Should I pray for the fifteen hundred?
Dear God (ha ha). Can I please borrow this for use elsewhere? It must go on my site.
Well, look who's here. Where have you been girl? If my abuse got to much for you, I promise I'll stop.

Recall that earlier generations faced down fascism and communism not just with missiles and tanks, but with sturdy alliances and enduring convictions. They understood that our power alone cannot protect us, nor does it entitle us to do as we please. Instead, they knew that our power grows through its prudent use; our security emanates from the justness of our cause, the force of our example, the tempering qualities of humility and restraint.

-President Barack Obama, 1st Inaugural address
FeelTheLove is offline  
post #13 of 29 (permalink) Old 08-30-2005, 11:04 AM
BenzWorld Elite
 
tcp_ML500's Avatar
 
Date registered: Aug 2002
Vehicle: C 111 Nardo
Location: Exiled
Posts: 9,402
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Quoted: 86 Post(s)
You misplaced that one.

RE: Massive disaster is unfolding on the Gulf Coast. Katrina could be "the big one"

Quote:
kvining - 8/30/2005 11:52 AM
JESUS FUCKING CHRIST!
1) I thought Jesus and Christ were one and the same, is that a part of the triune construct?
2) If they are distinct, is that considered masturbation?
3) If not masturbation, is it a homosexual relationship?
4) They could be hermaphrodites, let's ask Pat Robertson!

I feel so miserable without you; its almost like having you here.
-- Stephen Bishop
tcp_ML500 is offline  
post #14 of 29 (permalink) Old 08-30-2005, 03:45 PM Thread Starter
BenzWorld Elite
 
FeelTheLove's Avatar
 
Date registered: Sep 2004
Vehicle: 83 Astral Silver 280 SL
Location: Planet Houston
Posts: 28,829
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Quoted: 8 Post(s)
(Thread Starter)
RE: Official blasphemy thread


Recall that earlier generations faced down fascism and communism not just with missiles and tanks, but with sturdy alliances and enduring convictions. They understood that our power alone cannot protect us, nor does it entitle us to do as we please. Instead, they knew that our power grows through its prudent use; our security emanates from the justness of our cause, the force of our example, the tempering qualities of humility and restraint.

-President Barack Obama, 1st Inaugural address
FeelTheLove is offline  
post #15 of 29 (permalink) Old 08-31-2005, 11:44 AM
worst mod in BW history
 
ThrillKill's Avatar
 
Date registered: Apr 2005
Vehicle: ML CLK Iridescent Hyundai Accent lol,GoPed Freightshaker & Volvo semi's, c'mawn?
Location: Chicago
Posts: 27,762
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Quoted: 3 Post(s)
Lifetime Premium Member
RE: Official blasphemy thread

Two nuns, Sister Catherine and Sister Helen, are traveling through Europe in their car. They get to Transylvania and are stopped at a traffic light.
Suddenly, out of nowhere, a tiny little Dracula jumps onto the hood of their car and hisses at them through the windshield.
"Quick, quick!" shouts Sister Catherine. "What shall we do?" cries Sister Helen. "Turn the windshield wipers on. That will get rid of the abomination," says Sister Catherine. So Sister Helen switches on the windshield wipers,
knocking Dracula about, but he clings on and continues hissing at the nuns. "What shall I do now?" shouts Sister Helen. "Switch on the windshield washer. I filled it up with Holy Water at the
Vatican," says Sister Catherine. Sister Helen turns on the windshield washer. Dracula screams as the water burns his skin, but he clings on and continues hissing at the nuns. "Now what?" shouts Sister Helen. "Show him your cross," says Sister Catherine.
"Now you're talking," says Sister Helen. She opens the window and shouts,
"Get the fuck off my car!"

ThrillKill is offline  
post #16 of 29 (permalink) Old 08-31-2005, 12:38 PM
Administratoris Emeritus
 
GeeS's Avatar
 
Date registered: Aug 2002
Vehicle: 2021 SL770
Location: Fountain Hills, AZ
Posts: 44,915
Mentioned: 2 Post(s)
Quoted: 591 Post(s)
RE: Official blasphemy thread

Four nuns die in a tragic car crash and arrive at the same time to stand in line to meet St. Peter at the holy gate.

As the first nun approaches St. Peter, he says "Welcome child. Do you have any final sins you'd care to confess?".

"I do St. Peter. It is with great shame that I confess to having once cast my eyes upon a penis."

"There, there child -- it's fine -- just wash your eyes out in the holy water and proceed through the gate."

The second nun approaches St. Peter, and he again says "Welcome child. Do you have any final sins you'd care to confess?".

"I do St. Peter. It is with great shame that I confess to having once touched a penis."

"There, there child -- it's fine -- just wash your hands out in the holy water and proceed through the gate."

At this point, one remaining nun taps the other on the back. "Do you think I can cut in front of you so I can rinse out my mouth before you wash your a$$hole?"

"If spending money you don't have is the height of stupidity, borrowing money to give it away is the height of insanity." -- anon
GeeS is offline  
post #17 of 29 (permalink) Old 08-31-2005, 08:21 PM
BenzWorld Member
 
Date registered: Sep 2004
Posts: 281
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
RE: Official blasphemy thread

Quote:
kvining - 8/30/2005 12:39 PM

Quote:
webwench - 8/25/2005 10:31 PM

Dear God (ha ha). Can I please borrow this for use elsewhere? It must go on my site.
Well, look who's here. Where have you been girl? If my abuse got to much for you, I promise I'll stop.
Aww, you never scared me, you big pinko teddy bear you.

I got, like, a life and stuff... but I could never resist such blasphemy for long.
webperm is offline  
post #18 of 29 (permalink) Old 09-01-2005, 11:10 AM
BenzWorld Elite
 
tcp_ML500's Avatar
 
Date registered: Aug 2002
Vehicle: C 111 Nardo
Location: Exiled
Posts: 9,402
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Quoted: 86 Post(s)
RE: Official blasphemy thread

The priest was sitting in the confessional was he realized that he really, really, had to pee. A young woman was walking up to the booth to make her confession. What could he do?

He leaned out the confessional door and saw the janitor passing by. "Hey you," the priest said urgently, "come in here and cover for me while I take a leak, ok?"

"But I don't know how," said the janitor.

"Oh, it's easy," said the priest. "You just listen. The penances are all in this book here." And he pulls the janitor into the booth and runs off towards the mens room.

Just then the young woman comes in and starts her confession. "Oh father, I have sinned. Last night I performed oral sex on my boyfriend."

The janitor opened the book of penances. It was huge, thicker than the phone book. He had no idea how to find oral sex in there. So he leaned out of the booth and saw a altar boy walking by.

"Hey you," the janitor said in desperation, "do you know what Father gives for oral sex?"

"Ten bucks and a candy bar."

I feel so miserable without you; its almost like having you here.
-- Stephen Bishop
tcp_ML500 is offline  
post #19 of 29 (permalink) Old 09-01-2005, 11:21 AM
BenzWorld Elite
 
tcp_ML500's Avatar
 
Date registered: Aug 2002
Vehicle: C 111 Nardo
Location: Exiled
Posts: 9,402
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Quoted: 86 Post(s)
Click this!

<a href="http://www.rabble.ca/images/cartoons/constable/heil_mary.html" target="_blank">Heil Mary!</a>

I feel so miserable without you; its almost like having you here.
-- Stephen Bishop
tcp_ML500 is offline  
post #20 of 29 (permalink) Old 09-02-2005, 08:46 AM
BenzWorld Elite
 
tcp_ML500's Avatar
 
Date registered: Aug 2002
Vehicle: C 111 Nardo
Location: Exiled
Posts: 9,402
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Quoted: 86 Post(s)
Mary and Jesus

are strolling up in Heaven, when suddently, a squadron of flying sausage links makes a low pass overhead.
"What was that?" asked Jesus.
"At first glance, I'd say the Holy Ghost!" replied his mum.

I feel so miserable without you; its almost like having you here.
-- Stephen Bishop
tcp_ML500 is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

  Mercedes-Benz Forum > General Mercedes-Benz Forums > Off-Topic

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now



In order to be able to post messages on the Mercedes-Benz Forum forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.

Password:


Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.

Email Address:
OR

Log-in











  • Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
     
    Thread Tools
    Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
    Email this Page Email this Page
    Display Modes
    Linear Mode Linear Mode



    Posting Rules  
    You may post new threads
    You may post replies
    You may not post attachments
    You may not edit your posts

    BB code is On
    Smilies are On
    [IMG] code is On
    HTML code is Off
    Trackbacks are On
    Pingbacks are On
    Refbacks are On

     

    Title goes here

    close
    video goes here
    description goes here. Read Full Story
    For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome