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post #1 of 11 (permalink) Old 08-16-2005, 12:29 PM Thread Starter
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Rumsfeld makes surprise visit

<font size = 3><b>Rumsfeld Makes Surprise Visit To Wife's Vagina</b></font>

WASHINGTON, DC—Amid rumors of sagging morale on the home front, Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld greeted his wife Joyce Monday with an unanticipated visit to her vagina, according to the Pentagon.

Above: Rumsfeld strides across the Andrews Air Force Base tarmac, toward his intended vagina.

"Today, at about 1600 hours EST, Secretary Rumsfeld landed in the vagina and delivered cordial greetings to Mrs. Rumsfeld," said Pentagon spokesman Lt. Col. William Brock. "The focus of the trip was to thank Mrs. Rumsfeld for her long years of outstanding service and continuing sacrifices, and to afford the defense secretary an opportunity to survey the vagina up close and in person."

The 12-minute visit, described by Brock as "brief but satisfactory," was characterized by sources close to the vagina as an "in and out" mission.

Because of security concerns, Rumsfeld's aides were quiet about the visit, taking extra efforts to conceal the defense secretary's plans from the media and his wife. After delivering a speech to his wife, Rumsfeld performed a brief inspection of her vagina, then engaged in a few minutes of relaxed, informal contact before returning to the Pentagon.

"Despite the hurried nature of the visit, I am proud to report that my wife met and exceeded the operational standards set by the U.S. military for readiness in a two-front war," said Rumsfeld in a press conference shortly after the visit. "I am confident that she can still stand up to heavy fire and serve ably, even in a rearguard action."

The visit comes at a time in which controversial rumors have spread throughout Washington about low morale on the part of Mrs. Rumsfeld. Reports from confidantes indicate that her vagina is being undersupplied by the Department of Defense, and extended tours of duty have stirred up feelings of discontent. Although the two have faithfully served one another since 1954, Secretary Rumsfeld's busy schedule and demanding obligations have prevented him from visiting the fertile crescent since last November's highly publicized surprise visit.

A brief question-and-answer period following the visit revealed some difference of opinion between Rumsfeld and the woman whose vagina he is charged with supplying. When she asked the defense secretary if she could expect "more consistent support" from him in the future, Mrs. Rumsfeld received a characteristically salty reply.

"Naturally, I would like to spend more time in the vaginal region," Rumsfeld said. "But we have a difficult mission to complete, both at home and on the front. Everyone in this conflict is making sacrifices. You go to the vagina with the equipment you have."

This explanation did not satisfy Judith Proudfit, executive director of Veterans' Wives Against The War and a sharp critic of the Bush Administration. Proudfit called Rumsfeld's visit a "craven publicity move intended to foster the illusion that Rumsfeld is in touch with his wife's vagina."

"Rumsfeld's blunt, defensive response clearly indicates that he has no intention of making her a top priority," Proudfit said. "The situation in Mrs. Rumsfeld's vagina was in no way improved by such a brief encounter."

Continued Proudfit: "It is a true testament to Mrs. Rumsfeld's patience, stamina, and patriotism that she continues to serve her husband under such duress."

When asked about future plans for his wife's vagina, Rumsfeld grew somber.

"This vagina has seen a lot of action," Rumsfeld said. "And much of its infrastructure has fallen into disrepair. I do believe, however, that my wife's sustained efforts under my direction will ultimately allow us to re-establish order in this troubled area."

The Pentagon would not confirm a rumor that President Bush is scheduled to drop in on the vagina with a holiday turkey around Christmas.

I feel so miserable without you; its almost like having you here.
-- Stephen Bishop
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post #2 of 11 (permalink) Old 08-16-2005, 01:18 PM
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RE: Rumsfeld makes surprise visit

I commend his pubic display of tribute in an ovary hostile area. in a situation like that, urethra welcomed or shunned.

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post #3 of 11 (permalink) Old 08-16-2005, 08:43 PM Thread Starter
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I bet he drives a

vulva

I feel so miserable without you; its almost like having you here.
-- Stephen Bishop
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post #4 of 11 (permalink) Old 08-16-2005, 08:48 PM
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RE: Rumsfeld makes surprise visit

Quote:
ThrillKill - 8/16/2005 12:18 PM

in a situation like that, urethra welcomed or shunned.
Eggzactly -- and that's a vas deferens.

"If spending money you don't have is the height of stupidity, borrowing money to give it away is the height of insanity." -- anon
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post #5 of 11 (permalink) Old 08-16-2005, 08:54 PM
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RE: Rumsfeld makes surprise visit

Quote:
GermanStar - 8/16/2005 10:48 PM

Quote:
ThrillKill - 8/16/2005 12:18 PM

in a situation like that, urethra welcomed or shunned.
Eggzactly -- and that's a vas deferens.
That's oocyte, man.

(out of sight...get it. ha-ha. ha...).
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post #6 of 11 (permalink) Old 08-17-2005, 06:43 AM Thread Starter
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RE: Rumsfeld makes surprise visit

Quote:
Botnst - 8/16/2005 9:54 PM

Quote:
GermanStar - 8/16/2005 10:48 PM

Quote:
ThrillKill - 8/16/2005 12:18 PM

in a situation like that, urethra welcomed or shunned.
Eggzactly -- and that's a vas deferens.
That's oocyte, man.

(out of sight...get it. ha-ha. ha...).
Oocyte can you dig, by the dong's early plight
when so proudly we bail, from the twat-like's last creaming

I feel so miserable without you; its almost like having you here.
-- Stephen Bishop
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post #7 of 11 (permalink) Old 08-17-2005, 06:53 AM
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RE: Rumsfeld makes surprise visit

Quote:
tcp_ML500 - 8/17/2005 7:43 AM

Quote:
Botnst - 8/16/2005 9:54 PM

Quote:
GermanStar - 8/16/2005 10:48 PM

Quote:
ThrillKill - 8/16/2005 12:18 PM

in a situation like that, urethra welcomed or shunned.
Eggzactly -- and that's a vas deferens.
That's oocyte, man.

(out of sight...get it. ha-ha. ha...).
Oocyte can you dig, by the dong's early plight
when so proudly we bail, from the twat-like's last creaming
that broads pipes go up far
from her hairy-ass pie

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post #8 of 11 (permalink) Old 08-17-2005, 02:23 PM
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RE: Rumsfeld makes surprise visit

Maybe now he should make a surprise visit to Dick Cheney? You read that right - he's going to dick 'im.
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post #9 of 11 (permalink) Old 08-17-2005, 03:01 PM
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RE: Rumsfeld makes surprise visit

Dick and Bush, what a world

Recall that earlier generations faced down fascism and communism not just with missiles and tanks, but with sturdy alliances and enduring convictions. They understood that our power alone cannot protect us, nor does it entitle us to do as we please. Instead, they knew that our power grows through its prudent use; our security emanates from the justness of our cause, the force of our example, the tempering qualities of humility and restraint.

-President Barack Obama, 1st Inaugural address
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post #10 of 11 (permalink) Old 08-17-2005, 03:28 PM
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RE: Rumsfeld makes surprise visit

Don't forget Colin. [;)]
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