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post #51 of 63 (permalink) Old 06-07-2005, 11:25 PM
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RE: NO MORE DOGS

Quote:
GermanStar - 6/7/2005 8:13 PM

A hammer?! If you really wanted to gross her out, you should have used your teeth! [}:)]
Jeebus brother, you are demented! [:p]

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post #52 of 63 (permalink) Old 06-07-2005, 11:45 PM
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RE: NO MORE DOGS

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ThrillKill - 6/7/2005 8:18 PM

Quote:
azimuth - 6/7/2005 6:50 PM

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GermanStar - 6/6/2005 11:30 PM

Oh, they're squishable -- pick one up with a kleenex, then dig in with a thumbnail. You'll hear a pop and see a big bright red splat. It's really pretty gross...
When I was a kid our family dog had a tick that was friggin' huge. It was dark red and swollen. I picked it off and put it on the driveway. Then I called my squeemish big sister over to see it. She did not see the hammer in my hand behind my back while I was in a crouched position. When she got close enough to see what I had and get queezy, I smashed the tumescent parasite sharply. To her horror and my gleeful surprise, the tick's gelatinous innerds splattered her feet like a Lilliputian's shotgun.




I spent the next week of my summer vacation in my room.

I threw a pack of lit firecrackers at my sisters feet. Unfortunately they landed in the cuff of her elephant bell bottoms ('member those?). I ran away for two days. It's good to be normal.
My sis and I used to throw the frisbee back and forth across the street when we were teenagers. one time I had this keen idea, "wouldn't it be killer to put a snail on the center button of the frisbee and throw it to her?"

feining a poor catch so as to allow for a pick up with my back to her, I grabbed a snail and stuck it to the center of the frisbee. She was none the wiser until on final approach see detected the gastropod spinning helplessly toward her.

eyes wide open, she hesitated with the conflict of abject revulsion vs. impulse to catch the moving object. Such pause allowed for the glory of an impulse plan fulfilled beyond anticipation.

She actually caught the frisbee out of sheer default at eye level. The snail acquiesced to one of the laws of motion and continued it's flight path to her forehead.

I had to weed the garden and the lower lot by hand. It took me a week.

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post #53 of 63 (permalink) Old 06-08-2005, 07:57 AM Thread Starter
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RE: NO MORE DOGS

Thankfully I was an only child... thanks mom!
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post #54 of 63 (permalink) Old 06-08-2005, 08:21 AM
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NO MORE GODS


“I feel so miserable without you; it’s almost like having you here.”
-- Stephen Bishop
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post #55 of 63 (permalink) Old 06-08-2005, 08:29 AM
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RE: NO MORE GODS

NO MORE SODS
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post #56 of 63 (permalink) Old 06-08-2005, 08:34 AM
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RE: NO MORE DOGS

Quote:
azimuth - 6/7/2005 10:25 PM

Quote:
GermanStar - 6/7/2005 8:13 PM

A hammer?! If you really wanted to gross her out, you should have used your teeth! [}:)]
Jeebus brother, you are demented! [:p]
That's nuthin! If you really wanted to get her, you could have taken a mouthful of shit and spit it at her. That'd teach her! [:D]

"If spending money you don't have is the height of stupidity, borrowing money to give it away is the height of insanity." -- anon
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post #57 of 63 (permalink) Old 06-08-2005, 09:07 AM
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RE: NO MORE DOGS

Quote:
GermanStar - 6/8/2005 10:34 AM

Quote:
azimuth - 6/7/2005 10:25 PM

Quote:
GermanStar - 6/7/2005 8:13 PM

A hammer?! If you really wanted to gross her out, you should have used your teeth! [}:)]
Jeebus brother, you are demented! [:p]
That's nuthin! If you really wanted to get her, you could have taken a mouthful of shit and spit it at her. That'd teach her! [:D]
Too scatological for me buddy!

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post #58 of 63 (permalink) Old 06-08-2005, 10:44 AM
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RE: NO MORE DOGS

Ok, pieste le resistance. In the tunneled walkways of Chicago's subways there are these air filled rubber bubbled mats that one walks on. Needless to say these halls are filled with winos, junkies, fornicators, defecators, urinators, masturbators and a host of other selected miscreants. As we walked through this corridor with my sister in mid-nag, her mouth agape not unlike the maw of the Leviathan, a ruptured, liquid filled bubble squirted a fine stream of a substance later coined by myself as "Moldy Conglopulence" in to her pie-hole. She vomited instantaneously and although I was not directly responsible for this occurrence, I relished the moment none the less.

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post #59 of 63 (permalink) Old 06-08-2005, 01:08 PM
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RE: NO MORE DOGS

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ThrillKill - 6/8/2005 12:44 PM

Ok, pieste le resistance. In the tunneled walkways of Chicago's subways there are these air filled rubber bubbled mats that one walks on. Needless to say these halls are filled with winos, junkies, fornicators, defecators, urinators, masturbators and a host of other selected miscreants. As we walked through this corridor with my sister in mid-nag, her mouth agape not unlike the maw of the Leviathan, a ruptured, liquid filled bubble squirted a fine stream of a substance later coined by myself as "Moldy Conglopulence" in to her pie-hole. She vomited instantaneously and although I was not directly responsible for this occurrence, I relished the moment none the less.
Truly, brotherly love can have no better evidence than the relish this memory must provide.....surely you remind her of it frequently[:D]

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post #60 of 63 (permalink) Old 06-17-2005, 10:01 PM Thread Starter
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RE: NO MORE DOGS

Would you believe, my ear is now infected, and swollen glands too? To those of you who giggled at my tick-phobia, well, phooey on you [:(!]
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