Late night jokes - Some old - all funny - Mercedes-Benz Forum

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Late night jokes - Some old - all funny

"The Vatican put up the pope's email address on their Web site. I didn't even know the pope had an email address. It's a step up. The church has historically been very slow to embrace technology. Until very recently, their idea of a laptop was an altar boy." --Bill Maher

"The John Bolton nomination has cleared the committee. Larry Flynt has entered the fray. He said he has evidence Bolton bought tickets to a swingers club and forced his wife to have group sex. Today Ted Kennedy said he's heard enough -- he's voting yes." --Bill Maher

"We got big trouble overseas. In Afghanistan they're rioting because they got wind of the fact that American soldiers flushed the Koran down the toilet. This is the kind of thing that makes us very unsafe because it makes jihadists want to kill us. But I got to give it to Halliburton, they make a heavy-duty toilet." --Bill Maher

"A cable access show has a character called 'Dick Smart' and it was a talking penis, trying to tell kids about contraception. A court of appeals has laid down the law that you cannot have a talking penis on the TV. Fox News has reacted immediately and fired Sean Hannity." --Bill Maher

"Tony Blair was re-elected for the third time. This is great news for the White House because without Tony Blair, who is there to translate the Bush foreign policy into English?" --Bill Maher

"President Bush is really getting on this alternative fuel thing. Did you hear about President Bush's new plan for solar energy? He's going to send troops to the sun." --Jay Leno

"Newsweek had to retract a report about the Koran. The article caused violent anti-U.S. rioting in Muslim countries. And that's too bad because up until now they really loved us." --Conan O'Brien,

"It was announced Thursday that the Army will allow recruits to sign up for just 15 months of active duty. If that doesn't work, the military will try renaming Iraq 'Super Cancun.'" --Amy Poehler

"President Bush was spotted carrying around a book and he told reporters he started reading the book four months ago. Apparently he still hasn't found Waldo." --Conan O'Brien

"John Bolton is in danger of being rejected by the Senate because he's known for abusing subordinates and frequently losing his temper. Today, President Bush announced his second choice -- Coach Bobby Knight." --Conan O'Brien

"Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries."
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