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post #1 of 4 (permalink) Old 05-16-2005, 08:40 PM Thread Starter
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LIghten up...

Found this supposedly authentic compilation from Quantas logs...

After every flight, Qantas' pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, & then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots & the solutions recorded by maintenance engineers. By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident.

(P= The problem logged by the pilot.) (S= The solution and action taken by mechanics.)

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except autoland very rough.
S: Autoland not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on backorder.

P: Autopilot in altitudehold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're for.

P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

“I feel so miserable without you; it’s almost like having you here.”
-- Stephen Bishop
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post #2 of 4 (permalink) Old 05-16-2005, 08:49 PM
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RE: LIghten up...

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2000 ML320 Black Opal "SOLD"
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post #3 of 4 (permalink) Old 05-16-2005, 10:02 PM
worst mod in BW history
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RE: LIghten up...

Reminds me of the time my mechanic called me back and said we couldn't fix your brakes, so we made your horn louder.

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post #4 of 4 (permalink) Old 05-17-2005, 02:23 PM
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RE: LIghten up...

ha ha ha[:D]
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