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post #11 of 31 (permalink) Old 02-01-2005, 08:25 PM
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RE: "Abstinence" programs cause teenagers to screw

The sensitivity of this thread reminds me of a story.

Billy came home late from school all proud and smiling and went up to his mother and told her he had just been screwing! She, astonished and mortified, demanded he go to his room and wait for his father to come home to administer justice. Dad comes home and mom meets him at the door and tells him the troubling news about young Billy. Dad marches violently upstairs and confronts a still smiling Billy as he swings open the bedroom door. Dad closes the door as if angry and then sits down and slyly beams with pride and says "damn son you got lucky early on! I am proud of you! I was eighteen before I ever got some tail. Tell me how was the first time for you?" Billy says "Well it was really great but my ass is still hurting."

Ah hem...

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post #12 of 31 (permalink) Old 02-02-2005, 02:11 PM
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RE: "Abstinence" programs cause teenagers to screw

the american "Abstinence programs" make us laught ! we think, we see it only in USA ! When i m young we want to make love very much and if the french governement make a same program i think we wanted sex more because if it's prohibited it's interesting for the young. [:D]

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post #13 of 31 (permalink) Old 02-02-2005, 02:20 PM
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RE: "Abstinence" programs cause teenagers to screw

True, the more you say no, the more the child would want to do it. I have all boys too. So, when the time comes, it'd be interesting. [:D]
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post #14 of 31 (permalink) Old 02-02-2005, 03:05 PM
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RE: "Abstinence" programs cause teenagers to screw

Quote:
azimuth - 2/1/2005 5:07 PM

Quote:
mzsmbs - 2/1/2005 4:54 PM

Quote:
azimuth - 2/1/2005 4:25 PM

Is the better answer that sexuality is taught by parents in a private environment?
makes me wonder what any 20y/o single mother of 3 is going to teach her children about sexuality???
By single do you mean divorced, never married or widowed? If you mean never married, what more could she teach them than what her own lack of self control would have taught them? If you mean divorced, then she could teach them the value of making a better choice than she did. If she was widowed then she could do the best she can, as the cards delt her are harsh.

simplistic answers, I know. There is no blanket solution to individualized familial problems.
i was really going after that unmarried kind but the divorced will do too... what you said sounds really good but that's assuming that they actually learned something and that's hard to believe in the great ol'USA. there are so many of them.... what about if there are 3 fathers? or the fathers are unknown?

btw. i agree that this should always be a parenting subject but in reality that doesn't work very well. my folks were very pitiful... i'm sure i'll do better but then i'm no prude...



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post #15 of 31 (permalink) Old 02-02-2005, 03:13 PM
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RE: "Abstinence" programs cause teenagers to screw

Quote:
kvining - 2/1/2005 7:06 PM

I don't know why people just don't do what I do. I just tell them I know what they are doing, because I did it too, and then hand them a rubber. After you hand them a rubber, you tell them a bunch of stories on how their dick will rot off if they don't use it. Nothing scares a teenage boy, but that. Its a simple system - Mom gives the big abstinence speeches, I handle the practical side. But then, I have all boys. If I had daughters I'd probably spy on them and kill the first mofo that touched them.


Man that's f*ckin' genius! That's awesome...As for now i'm just "one of those kids"...but i'm gonna employ this idea the day I begin having kids...or the day i mess up...same thing / whichever comes first~

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post #16 of 31 (permalink) Old 02-02-2005, 03:27 PM
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RE: "Abstinence" programs cause teenagers to screw

What timing. My friend just found condoms in his 16 year old daughter's purse. It's out of his hands he says. Her mom's the one who needs to give the talk.

What would you do? I told him rubbers is a good thing. Somehow he can't stomach the thought.

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post #17 of 31 (permalink) Old 02-02-2005, 04:38 PM
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RE: "Abstinence" programs cause teenagers to screw

Quote:
kuan1 - 2/2/2005 5:27 PM

What timing. My friend just found condoms in his 16 year old daughter's purse. It's out of his hands he says. Her mom's the one who needs to give the talk.

What would you do? I told him rubbers is a good thing. Somehow he can't stomach the thought.
ah yes. sounds like the parents ought to talk first... 16 is a bit late to start the sex talks... they need to present a united front though... condom in her purse doesn't mean she is getting laid.. it could be just for show... if she is getting laid then at least she is being smart... probably would pat her on the back for that and then start talking pregnancy, aids and the like and emotional consequences related to sex... not bombard though... just the facts... maybe opinions later... she probably has formed one of her own already...




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post #18 of 31 (permalink) Old 02-03-2005, 08:46 AM
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RE: "Abstinence" programs cause teenagers to screw

I am lucky enough to have a daughter and two sons. Being personally responsible for decisions, including those involving sex, is something that has to be taught from early childhood. If you understand you are responsible for your decisions and learn to trust your own judgement early in life, it sticks with you and works for the issues you face later, like sex.

Open communication, and instilling self confidence and being personally responsible for one's decisons goes a lot further than just ignoring the whole concept of the developing sex drive in your kids, or telling them to ignore it. A little guidance on what it is and what it is there for, with the necessary training to be able to confidently make important decisions correctly before the time arrives appears to be working. We'll see, but it feels better to be trying to give our kids tools to use to make decisions that we faced than to lie about what we did and try to get them to believe in some fairy tales about how to control their sex lives.

Mother Nature doesn't trust our intellect or our social structures to keep things working so the species survives, so the program to plant seeds by males and to have seeds planted by females is not some trivial program you can run when you decide you want it running. It is on all the time, and when it stops I hope I die.

The fact that the program is abused by commercial entities to make money is relatively new and may be influencing when kid's programs switch "on" and they become inundated in their own sexual curiousity. I doubt the lip stick commercials, or other "make-up" commercials, jeans, bras, cars, tough guys, etc. are ever going to be banned because even Republicans and religious loonies in America are getting rich selling these products and no one will tolerate a downturn in business just to keep a couple of highschool girls from getting pregnant. Or a couple thousand.

My take is to acknowledge reality and deal with it. The other approaches are a waste of time and effort. Jim
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post #19 of 31 (permalink) Old 02-03-2005, 09:19 AM Thread Starter
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RE: "Abstinence" programs cause teenagers to screw

IMHO, there are two important roles a father plays in his kid's life - "friend" and "Dad". I think the most important thing is to try to be more of a "friend" than a "Dad" when they reach the teenage years. I see so many men try to stick with the "Dad" authoritian role and run right into the brick wall of teenage rebellion. A friend tries to offer understanding, advice and support. Damn tough to do when it comes to sex, but you got to do it - playing the Dad role puts emotional distance between oneself and the kid at a time in his life that he could use you as a friend.


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post #20 of 31 (permalink) Old 02-03-2005, 09:29 AM
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RE: "Abstinence" programs cause teenagers to screw

Quote:
JimSmith - 2/3/2005 10:46 AM

I am lucky enough to have a daughter and two sons. Being personally responsible for decisions, including those involving sex, is something that has to be taught from early childhood. If you understand you are responsible for your decisions and learn to trust your own judgement early in life, it sticks with you and works for the issues you face later, like sex.

Open communication, and instilling self confidence and being personally responsible for one's decisons goes a lot further than just ignoring the whole concept of the developing sex drive in your kids, or telling them to ignore it. A little guidance on what it is and what it is there for, with the necessary training to be able to confidently make important decisions correctly before the time arrives appears to be working. We'll see, but it feels better to be trying to give our kids tools to use to make decisions that we faced than to lie about what we did and try to get them to believe in some fairy tales about how to control their sex lives.

Mother Nature doesn't trust our intellect or our social structures to keep things working so the species survives, so the program to plant seeds by males and to have seeds planted by females is not some trivial program you can run when you decide you want it running. It is on all the time, and when it stops I hope I die.

The fact that the program is abused by commercial entities to make money is relatively new and may be influencing when kid's programs switch "on" and they become inundated in their own sexual curiousity. I doubt the lip stick commercials, or other "make-up" commercials, jeans, bras, cars, tough guys, etc. are ever going to be banned because even Republicans and religious loonies in America are getting rich selling these products and no one will tolerate a downturn in business just to keep a couple of highschool girls from getting pregnant. Or a couple thousand.

My take is to acknowledge reality and deal with it. The other approaches are a waste of time and effort. Jim
Jim, what a thoughtful post. These are the ideas I had but lacked the patience to compose them. I'm with you on this 100%. Talk about these drives and thier consequences early and often. The values and priciples of the family can be reinforced with thoughtful discourse between parent and child. Granted some children have bashful or even irresponsible parents, so they could miss out on instruction. I have yet to see a substitute for the parent's intruction that can truely compare.

As far as I'm concerned, you are dead-on with this one, sir.

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