Here's a list of some of Dangerfield's best one liners - Mercedes-Benz Forum

LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
post #1 of 3 (permalink) Old 10-11-2004, 04:01 PM Thread Starter
BenzWorld Junior Member
Date registered: Sep 2004
Posts: 5
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
(Thread Starter)
Here's a list of some of Dangerfield's best one liners

1. I was so poor growing up ... if I wasn't a boy ... I'd have had
nothing to play with.

2. A girl phoned me the other day and said, "Come on over; nobody's home." I went over. Nobody was home.

3. During sex, my girlfriend always wants to talk to me. Just the
other night she called me from a hotel.

4. One day I came home early from work ... I saw a guy jogging
naked. I said to the guy, "Hey buddy, why are you doing that?" He said "Because you came home early."

5. Its been a rough day. I got up this morning ... put a shirt on
and a button fell off. I picked up my briefcase, and the handle came off. I'm afraid to go to the bathroom.

6. I was such an ugly kid...When I played in the sandbox, the cat
kept covering me up.

7. I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and radio.

8. I was such an ugly baby...My mother never breast fed me. She told me that she only liked me as a friend.

9. I'm so ugly...My father carries around a picture of the kid who
came with his wallet.

10. When I was born, the doctor came into the waiting room and said to my father, "I'm sorry. We did everything we could, but he pulled through."

11. I'm so ugly...My mother had morning sickness...AFTER I was born.

12. I remember the time that I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.

13. Once when I was lost, I saw a policeman, and asked him to help me find my parents. I said to him, "Do you think we'll ever find them?" He said, "I don't know kid. There's so many places they can hide."

14. My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday.

15. I'm so ugly...I worked in a pet shop, and people kept asking how big I'd get.

16. I went to see my doctor. "Doctor, every morning when I get up and I look in the mirror...I feel like throwing up; What's wrong with me?" He said..."I don't know but your eyesight is perfect."

17. I went to the doctor because I'd swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest.

18. With my old man I got no respect. I asked him, "How can I get my kite in the air?" He told me to run off a cliff.

19. Some dog I got. We call him Egypt because in every room he leaves a pyramid. His favorite bone is in my arm. Last night he went
on the paper four times -three of those times I was reading it.

20. One year they wanted to make me poster boy - for birth control.

21. My uncle's dying wish was to have me sitting in his lap; he was in the electric chair.
ericdee is offline  
Sponsored Links
post #2 of 3 (permalink) Old 10-12-2004, 07:44 AM
BenzWorld Member
Mark08859's Avatar
Date registered: Jul 2003
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 357
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
RE: Here's a list of some of Dangerfield's best one liners

A fitting farewell to a comic master. Thanks.

'08 C300 Sport/Barolo Red/Gray-Black Leather/6 SP/AMG Wheels/iPod/P2/MultiMedia/Tele Aid
'09 Pasion Coupe/Gray Metallic/Black Tridion/Comfort Package/Solid Roof/Premium Sound/Fog Lights/Clock-Tach/Anti-Theft/Navigation/Bluetooth
Mark08859 is offline  
post #3 of 3 (permalink) Old 10-12-2004, 10:18 AM
BenzWorld Elite
old300D's Avatar
Date registered: Jul 2003
Vehicle: '83 240D
Location: Denver
Posts: 3,774
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
RE: Here's a list of some of Dangerfield's best one liners

Those are very funny. He was the genius at self-deprecation.

OBK #35

old300D is offline  
Sponsored Links

  Mercedes-Benz Forum > General Mercedes-Benz Forums > Off-Topic

Quick Reply

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Mercedes-Benz Forum forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

User Name:
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.


Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.

Email Address:


  • Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
    Thread Tools
    Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
    Email this Page Email this Page
    Display Modes
    Linear Mode Linear Mode

    Posting Rules  
    You may post new threads
    You may post replies
    You may not post attachments
    You may not edit your posts

    BB code is On
    Smilies are On
    [IMG] code is On
    HTML code is Off
    Trackbacks are On
    Pingbacks are On
    Refbacks are On


    Title goes here

    video goes here
    description goes here. Read Full Story
    For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome