Christmas - Mercedes-Benz Forum

 
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Christmas

https://joesaward.wordpress.com/

I’m off, to deck some halls with jolly holly…
December 19, 2015 by Joe Saward
Christmas ain’t rocket science. It existed long before religion came along, as a proper pagan festival, when the nights are longest, which means it is a good time to eat, drink and cavort with naked ladies (if there is a nice burning log nearby). It was designed to be a bit of fun when it was cold and dark… and the wolves were literally at the door. These days, what with global warming and so on, the snow outside is not at all Wenceslasian, it is not deep, nor crisp, nor even. It’s just not there…

A lot of people blame global warming on motor cars. This is not entirely fair, but it is easier for a man with a green bobble hat and a bicycle to fight the car, rather than taking on farting cows, wandering around in paddocks that used to be rainforest.

Whatever the case with global warming, it does no harm to aspire to have better air quality in life, and in the lives of our children and grandchildren, so developing ways to reduce emissions and get more energy from our existing resources must be viewed as a noble and intelligent goal. F1 is doing this brilliantly and we should raise a festive glass to the Andy Cowells of the world, who figure this stuff out and produce the fantastic machines that F1 uses today. We can criticise Renault and Honda for not being as good, but all these machines are special and wonderful. We could, of course, switch to noisy inefficient cast-iron lumps from the past which make great noises, but then we’re in trouble when the man in the green bobble-hat arrives with a court order. The man on the gate, with a suitcase filled with money, will sidle away into the hills, whistling, at this point.So, if you cannot beat the bobble-hatted, it is logical to join them and get them to pay to see the show…

Still, there is a time when it is a good idea for us F1 road warriors to have a rest. In the next couple of weeks the F1 world is shut down for all but production teams and the sociopaths. Real news is going to be thinner on the ground than the CVC Capital Partners charity budget (unless there’s a tax-break involved). I’ve written to Santa and asked if we can have our sport back from the finance people, but he says that he is now owned by a private equity firm and he cannot possibly comment but he sent me a catalogue of nice toys built in the sweatshops of Asia…

Anyway, while I’m boozing and snoozing, I hope that the ghosts of Christmas Past, Present and Future (and Joseph Marley’s ghost to boot) visit all the people who are messing up the sport we love, to explain to them that being rich is fine and dandy, but being liked (for things other than your money) is so much nicer. And on that note, here’s a Christmas message for clean engine designers out there. It’s gibberish to me, but I hope they like it…
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