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Schumi's Sekret Tageblog: Hungary

The fake blogs can be quite funny, here is another Schumi's Secret Tageblog: Losing It | Planet F1 | Formula One | Features | Off On F1


Schumi's Sekret Tageblog: Hungary

Wednesday 11th August 2010


Michael Schumacher's been revealing his inner most thoughts about that tiny little incident at the Hungaroring.

Hello, my little Kinder surprises. Oh boy, I bet you can guess that I am in big trouble after what has happened at the Hungarian Grand Prix. As my engineers are always saying, I have a shed's worth of trouble.

The moment I am stepping back through the front door at Vufflens Le Chateau, Lieblings Pudgie Wudgie Donut face is running into the hallway with a terrible look.

"What a stupid move!" she is yelling. "How could you do something so crazy!" she is also yelling. "How could you let the little baldy Brazilian past you!" she is yelling on top of this.

To be fair, she has never liked Rubens since the Austrian GP of 2002 when he made a complete three-course dinner of letting me past for the win that was in his contract to give me - "I expected him to come onto the podium playing the violin," she said afterwards "it was like a silent movie with him playing a Brazilian Charlie Chaplin with a hair transplant." However that is all water that has passed under my bridge.

This Sunday she was angry that I had left him too much room to get through and score the single point, making me pointless.

Quite honestly and obviously she does not like Nico either. She is one time muttering; "how can a Finn who was brought up in Monaco and speaks better English than German, actually be a German?"

She has very strong views on all the German drivers. She adores Adrian because he "looks like a gentleman racing driver and not a member of a cheap boy band " (you can guess who she's talking about with the boy band reference and its obviously not Sebastian).

She is liking Timo very much, and I think I have to watch myself here because she once said in a kind of misty-full-of-eyes way he reminded her of Heinz-Harald, and we all know what happened there.

She also likes Sebastian, because "he's the kind of ugly guy all the girls in school feel sorry for and are friendly with but would never go out with." If I cannot win the Championship - and I have to admit to you that I am leaving it a bit late this year - then she would sooner that Sebastian won it than Nico.

Still, we are all packed up and ready to go on holiday. Jos is busy this year so we are going with the family of my good friend Alex Sausage (or to give him his proper Germanic name - Wurz). We are combining a little business with pleasure and heading to America to give our advice on the design of a certain new circuit there. Alex is a bit of a joker - as I think you know from his wearing two different colours of shoes - and he suggested that I name the corners after all my old team-mates. So the first turn would be "de Cesaris" and very simple obviously, followed by a tricky "Piquet", a very slow "Brundle", a long "Patrese", a high-speed "Verstappen", a cheeky little "Herbert" and a corner that thought it was a lot better than it actually was; "Irvine". And I think I would name a big area of gravel run-off "Barrichello". Any car that found itself stuck in Barrichello could imitate one of Rubens's world-famous starts by spinning its wheels and not getting anywhere...

And finally, to show I am not losing my tremendous sense of humour, here's another joke for you

Q: What do you call a Mexican who has lost his automobile?
A: Carlos

It is the way, them, I am telling.

Schumi
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