Hospital notes - Mercedes-Benz Forum

 
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post #1 of 10 (permalink) Old 01-11-2006, 01:34 PM Thread Starter
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Hospital notes

Actual writings from NHS doctors reports;


1. The patient refused autopsy.


2. The patient has no previous history of suicides.


3. Patient has left blood at another hospital.


4. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.


5. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.


6. On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it disappeared.


7. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.


8. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.


9. Discharge status: Alive but without permission.


10. Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year old male, mentally alert but forgetful.


11. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.


12. She is numb from her toes down.


13. While in A&E, she was examined, x-rated and sent home.


14. The skin was moist and dry.


15. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.


16. Patient was alert and unresponsive.


17. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.


18. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce.


19. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.


20. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.


21. Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.


22. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.


23. Skin: somewhat pale but present.


24. The pelvic exam will be done later on the bed.


25. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.


[:D][:D][:D]

- Jason



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post #2 of 10 (permalink) Old 01-11-2006, 01:37 PM
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RE: Hospital notes

Quote:
heckflosse_uk - 1/11/2006 2:34 PM

21. Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.


[:D][:D][:D][:D][:D][:D][:D][:D][:D]

Felicita e un bicchiere di vino con un panino.
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post #3 of 10 (permalink) Old 01-11-2006, 01:42 PM Thread Starter
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RE: Hospital notes

:DOH:
Just noticed I've posted in the wrong forum. Can somebody move it to off-topic?

- Jason



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post #4 of 10 (permalink) Old 01-11-2006, 01:48 PM
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RE: Hospital notes

A real live LOL-good one![8D]


Actually,I can laugh at that NHS shit-I have BUPA.
For anyone who relies on the NHS,be afraid,be very afraid.[V]

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post #5 of 10 (permalink) Old 01-11-2006, 02:05 PM Thread Starter
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RE: Hospital notes

I work for the NHS.
Some hospitals aren't bad, a few are good but some I would'nt let treat my dog.[xx(]

- Jason



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post #6 of 10 (permalink) Old 01-11-2006, 02:14 PM
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RE: Hospital notes


Heckflosse
"I work for the NHS."


Ok,be EVEN more afraid.[;)]


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post #7 of 10 (permalink) Old 01-11-2006, 03:53 PM
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RE: Hospital notes


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post #8 of 10 (permalink) Old 01-11-2006, 05:04 PM
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RE: Hospital notes

LOL... too funny.... I would hate to go to the hospital that wrote

#17.... talk about going in from the wrong direction...

Ouch....LOL

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post #9 of 10 (permalink) Old 01-12-2006, 11:48 AM
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RE: Hospital notes

lol, who let the patient out?
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post #10 of 10 (permalink) Old 01-12-2006, 12:01 PM
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RE: Hospital notes



A lot of dried fruit is dressed with a proprietry brand of veg oil called 'Durkex'. I had a secretary who mailed dozens of invoices with the word 'Durex' confused.'Durex' is the 'Hoover' of condoms in the UK.
Oh how we tittered![|)[^][V]
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